Boundaries, Self-Care, and Meditation Part 1 and Boundaries, Self-Care and Meditation Part 2, scheduled for November 23, are instructed by Nari Clemons, PT, PRPC and Jenna Ross, MSPT, BCB-PMD, PRPC.
Women are often socialized to be these kinds of words: sweet, likable, giving, generous, helpful, and accommodating. If that bend of conditioning is particularly strong, it shapes our relationships and our career choices. We often choose a career that makes us feel like we are being sweet, helpful, and generous. These traits serve others around us well, and they may increase our likability with others. We begin to see our likability as how much we embody these traits, and we can see our worth to others and ourselves as how much we show up in this one-dimensional way to others.
Taken to an extreme, this starts to look like being uber-available for patients calling them on our own time, emailing from home, running over in sessions to give the patient everything they could possibly get from a session, adding in hours to accommodate a patient, writing our notes during our lunchtime, and finding that resource for our patient by searching the web for an hour.
“Tis better to give than receive” or “giving them the shirt off our back” may be mantras we use or grew up with. But is it really true? Is giving more than we receive actually sustainable as a model? And if you give someone the shirt off your back, what would you wear? So many of the models we are raised to see as virtuous are actually rooted in martyrdom and are the hallmarks of poor boundaries.
When we hyper-inflate the “likable” characteristics of ourselves, it is often because we are deeply afraid of being seen as selfish, unlikable, or worst of all, a bi#ch. But why? We make these traits shadows…the traits to deny in ourselves and go to extreme lengths to hide from ourselves and others. Maybe instead, these are the very traits that can help us to understand where we need to set a boundary, rest, or realize we really don’t want to say yes to that added demand.
They can remind us of our energy limits and draw lines that help us have more room for joy, fun, and self-care. If we could honor these shadow traits as helpful protectors of ourselves, we could consider our happiness and balance equally as important as our patients’ happiness and balance. We could find ways to leave work on time to make it to that fun dance class, and we could empower our patients to have greater self-sufficiency. Often, when we are conflicted or tired, we can do well to ask ourselves, “What would a selfish bi#ch do?” The answer is usually what our being needs for balance, but we are too afraid to embrace our shadow to acknowledge our deeper needs and wants.
By ridding ourselves of the need to be seen as syrupy sweet (and utterly drained) and by embracing self-care that may look harsh or selfish to others, we can empower ourselves to have better boundaries. This can also help our patients as we model balanced caregiving, without self-sacrifice. By embracing and honoring these important traits of self-care, self-protection, and acknowledging our needs, we set the stage for less burnout and more healthy relationships in life. So, next time you are overwhelmed by the number of obligations you have or the time you are bleeding energy for others, ask yourself “What would my selfish bi#ch do?” And, if you manage to hear and honor her, high-five yourself as you strut to better self-care and integrated self-love.
Enter the course I co-wrote and teach with Jenna Ross - Boundaries, Self-Care, and Meditation Part 2. This course was born out of our own personal and professional struggles and our journey to having a life and a practice that we love and can sustain. This class provides a safe space to facilitate deep, personal, and professional transformation through evidence-based information and practices. Join us in Boundaries, Self-Care, and Meditation Part 2 on November 23 to learn new strategies to address both oneself and one's patients with a mind, body, and spirit approach.
AUTHOR BIO
Nari Clemons, PT, PRPC
Nari Clemons, PT, PRPC (she/her) has been teaching with the institute since 2004. She has written the following courses: Lumbar Nerve Manual Assessment /Treatment, as well as Sacral Nerve Manual Assessment/Treatment. She has co-authored the PF Series Capstone course with Allison Ariail and Jen Vande Vegte, and the Boundaries, Self Care, and Meditation Course (the burnout course) with Jen Vandevegte. In addition to teaching the classes she has authored, Nari also teaches all the other classes in the PF series: PF1, PF2A, PF2B, and Capstone. She was one of the question authors for the PRPC, and she has presented at many conferences, including CSM.
Nari’s passions include teaching students how to use their hands more receptively and precisely for advanced manual therapy skills while keeping it simple enough to feel successful. She also is an advocate for therapists learning how to feel well and thrive as they care for others, which is a skill that can be developed. “Basically, I love helping therapists learn to help themselves and others more while having a lot of fun doing it”. Nari lives in Portland Oregon, where she runs a local study/mentoring group and has a private practice, Portland Pelvic Therapy. Her interests include meditation, working out, nature, and being constantly humbled from raising her three amazing teenagers!